Music Makes Me Feel High (with Bon Iver’s ‘Holocene’)
Music makes me feel high. I used to smoke weed a fair amount, but not anymore. Most of the time, I’m glad I’ve found ways to escape that doesn’t lead to spending two hours staring at a black mark on the wall that looks like a single-winged crow. But sometimes I miss the feeling. I think many people have that inclination. When they used to be obsessed with some form of escapism, even after they abandon it, the urge still presents itself every once in a while. It’s a sudden, inexplicable thing that isn’t capturable or repeatable, and it appears randomly, without a constant impetus. A strange sound or flash of light or bright colors can spark the split-second desire, and then it’s gone just as quickly.
Thankfully, I can still get that sensation from certain types of music. The kind with echoing guitars that warble into space, voices that sound like they’re sliding off metallic cave walls, plinks and plunks of electronically modified landscapes, ethereally curving steel guitars, an angelic, otherwordly falsetto.
I wrote the preceding paragraph while listening to Bon Iver’s “Holocene.” I’ll write the proceeding paragraphs while listening again. Here’s what I heard and saw.
Lightly picked acoustic guitars and simple shakers. Justin Vernon’s inhumanly ranged voice blending with layered vocals simultaneously delivering three notes like an angel in heaven, limbo, and the place below the world. His words create abstract paintings while I sit on a wooden bench in a French museum, staring at a black marble floor with twisting brown and silver streaks.
A snake-like warm bass lines swims and rivers and flows as neon-green guitars strike subtle notes in a repeating triadic pattern that forms a little electric yellow triangle.
Bon Iver’s water-colored album cover of a serene lake scene with a town set between deepest greens expands like wet paint across thin white paper, starting with translucent light pinks and deepening to maroon hues as it blends with sky blue.
Vernon’s voice becomes a lilting sparrow as he trumpets “And at once I knew” before bending back down to a resigned “I was not magnificent.” A chime like sun rays bouncing off the moon. The bass wrapping a warm silver blanket around my chest. Rapidly escalating drums make a march to the edge of a cliff as hawks burst apart in a flurry of feathers in front of a bolded sun as the song quiets.
“Third and lake burnt away the hallway was where we learned to celebrate” takes me back to years of college, sitting in dim dorms and laughing as ice clinked in shimmering glasses and laughter hit the walls and echoed back, where I was free from obligation and bills. Bills become green dollars that burn in a purple fire, a small simmering hole in the middle that expands to disintegrate and burn up the rest of the paper money.
Vernon hits the second “magnificent” and a saxophone appears as flittering buzzing bees orbiting my ears. The marching snares grow more pronounced. Vernon sends his voice over clouds and plummeting back down before everything coalesces like a gradually built wave washing against soft sand and receding.
The music calms and the waves stop and grow still. Vernon talks of his brother, and I see my kid brother watching from behind the screen door on my grandfather’s brick porch, watching me and my cousins play wiffle ball with a skinny yellow bat in a hot summer sun.
The soft acoustic guitar quiets itself and hides behind a tree trunk, then peeks its head out and starts walking back to me, pulsing its bass note against my ribs as Vernon builds his voice like a fat finger flicking a wine glass, and all the sounds furiously but precisely merge together and curl around themselves.
And as Vernon can finally “see for miles miles miles”, a water-colored red sea parts before me, the waves cresting stories and stories high in the air, larger than downtown Atlanta and washing over the night-lit buildings that look like towers of small fireflies gleaming and beating their little wings.
Quiet.



